A photo of one of our bumper stick­ers on a troop trans­port in Iraq.

Our prod­ucts aren’t just help­ing here in the states (and, Canada.) For exam­ple, here’s a pho­tos of one of our cus­tomers, who finds that the pills are help­ing our troops in Iraq.  Just the knowl­edge that our fine fight­ing men may need pills to make their penises smaller lets the peo­ple know that our fine fight­ing men may have larger than usual penises.

If you’re a mem­ber of the active mil­i­tary, men­tion that in the com­ments field on the check­out and we’ll dou­ble the size of your order auto­mat­i­cally for you.  And we’ll toss in a cou­ple bumper stick­ers for you too.

Wow. If you go to Google and search for "I've got a penis", this site is the third result. Above us are only a Craigslist post about a guy with a small penis and a link to a site that doesn't load.

If you’re won­der­ing, I noticed it look­ing thru the logs of the search terms that had been used to find this site.

We’re proud to offer the finest penis-reducing place­bos on the mar­ket today, spe­cially designed to address the real needs of men today — “To strengthen the ego of the finest men.”

Because, what man among us doesn’t, occa­sion­ally, need a bit of a boost to his ego.  A lit­tle some­thing that lets him know that he’s good enough, smart enough, strong enough, and large enough to tackle any prob­lem or issue that may con­front him.

As you know, I have been try­ing, some­what unsuc­cess­fully, to grow this busi­ness back to the same scale it was back in the 1950s and 1960s when my grand­fa­ther and his part­ner were sell­ing thou­sands of bot­tles a month.  I’m not embarassed to say that I’m still quite far away from that goal.  Per­haps the world has changed and the num­bers of peo­ple who want to buy a placebo which claims to reduce the size of their penis but doesn’t actu­ally do so is smaller than it was back in the days of Ike and JFK and Hugh Hefner.

But,  I’ve also thought that maybe the prob­lem is that folks today don’t know about the prod­uct.  To that end, we’ve been adver­tis­ing on the web and occa­sion­ally on tele­vi­sion, but it still hasn’t taken off.  Recently we’d writ­ten another com­mer­cial, and were get­ting ready to see if our favorite pitch­man, Billy Mays, might be will­ing to do the com­mer­cial for us ( for free, because we’re poor ).  Every­thing was ready to go except for the part of actu­ally try­ing to con­tact Mr. Mays and talk him into it.

And, today we were sad­dened to hear that Mr. Mays passed away overnight, and so we will never have the opporunity to get turned down by him.  Our con­do­lences to his fam­ily and friends.

(Pic­ture of Billy Mays by Sharese Ann Fred­er­ick of Pur­chase, N.Y. ; used under a CC:Attribution/ShareAlike license.)